What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 25.06.2025 07:52
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And i lived it daily.
Why do flat-Earthers think the Earth is flat?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
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He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
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I could never make a relationship work though!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Was to survive, this bastard.
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One cannot live in the past .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
We were not on the streets..
Especially a lifetime of it.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Im still living with it.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
How many girls or guys keep extra pantyhose in their glove box or console of their vehicle?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
We all went to grammer schools
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Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
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My life is so biszare .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
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One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Is anyone up to have a little conversation?
Who then, do I blame.?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
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Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Why did i forgive my father ?
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And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I was scared of men, in general
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I write beautiful poetry .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I was seconnd youngest,
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I never cut or harmed myself..
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I have no regrets .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
When she asked me how she looked .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Would this be the day?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
It was going to be , some day.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
So whats the point in blame.
He resisted the act ,that day.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
What did i know ?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
My family never makes their pension either.
He knew the spot.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Comes on , in middle age.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Ive learnt so much.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I think the readers, may guess!
She wouldn,t have been !
The only rule us 5 kids had .
All the time i was locked up.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I was very sick at this time too.
I couldn’t, believe it.
She was in good health!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
This is soul school!.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
As i do to all so called friends.?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I said to her
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She loved him until the end.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But it wasn’t much.
But ive been too sick for many years..
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
So, i spoilt her more .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I waited trembling.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I will be 64.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I don,t even have a pension.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But, we were locked up after school.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
She married twice! .
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She found it foreign!.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
(And it was in our own minds.)
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I was 9 years of age.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Put me off passion for life!!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..